Why?

I can tell you it's probably not what I would have thought any way. Good riddance to such foul animals that roam thine earth known as as humans. I can't understand the unintelligent, I can't. And in fact I wonder why they are using my air. I understand that their lives are better than mine, only if their simplistic life leads to a better and simpler living, insofar as they don't have to worry. They only believe and act on totally what they are told. I yearn for such a simple life. However, I know that you can have what ever you want, but you pay for it at a price the is relevant to the material acquired. I have a total different combination of wineings and complaints on this particular subject, but then again the average human, and there is an average, wouldn't give two shits. I'm okay with this, well not really or I wouldn't be blabbering on about such trivial matters.

Something or not

Here I am. I'm happy this summer. I don't miss those who have chosen to leave me life, and often its me choosing it for them. Others, just come and go which is the natural progression in life. I think I'm nearing the end of the road on some things. And this is perfectly okay, I'm not looking back anymore. The future as all ways is very cloudy, and I can't think of what the perfect next step is, and this is coupled with the fact that I am aware that the things I want to do are absolutely fruitless, in that, I will never be successful in what I am attempting to embark upon. And what is that you may ponder. It is simply looking for the looker, God, the collective consciousness, the universe, the causeless cause, or whatever it is that you use to call to the  higher power. At times I claim to be a staunch atheist, and at other times I will claim to be agnostic, the only thing I find myself being positive about, is that the deeper i go the less I really know. A great deal of what I'm searching for cannot be proven or dis-proven, and there for I cannot give a definitive answer for. I want to give a definitive answer to all of it. However, I'm finding that the collection of answers lead to the ultimate answer: It cannot be answered. Still I want to trudge through the sludge and come out of the the proverbial pile of bull shit to come to a congruent answer, that is more defined than: it is what it is and it shall be so. In that phrase is the suggestion of letting go, or better, give in to faith. 

This then leads us to the idea of faith, and the idea that letting go is the ultimate answer. How can letting go actually invigorate us to go any further than our front door? The first realization is that any type of enlightenment, saving, or the experience of the eternal something will not cause you to escape it, nor will it give you the power to obtain all that you will. The enlightenment experience will only give you the ability to perceive and contemplate events that occur in a different manner. It will not make you super man, and it most definitely will not remove you from your body. So, we are stuck in this body, further more we are stuck with our Karma. As we all should know karma is not a retribution to the events you cause; your karma is what you stand in. it is the pile of aggregates you are given to sort through. Much like the early American christian Johnathan Edwards your religious experience is something that needs to be worked at, your life is something that needs to be worked at. I believe that your society is something that needs to be worked at. Thus, you have to enter into it become part of it and play your part. In all honesty I'd love to go out and leave this world, and join a monastery where I wouldn't have to deal with the ignorance I see on an everyday basis, but the only way to fix the said ignorance is to stand with it, and be part of it. Not only does a person have to work the outer they must work the inner.

The biggest fault I see in most organized religions is that they run on a terribly constructed rope ladder. A rope ladder that has to be climbed in just the right way to reach the top, and then once at the top it is the job of the person at the top of the rope ladder to make sure that no one reaches the top of rope ladder again. Pecking order as I see it is highly outdated, but yet is still used in everyday life, and to be honest I truly feel that if this rope ladder was cut down the average everyday person would be lost. We as a collective need someone in charge, but we all know that there are very few people who don't take this call to be Alpha whatever, and not use and abuse it. It is nearly everyday that I watch as people do things that are unbeknownst to themselves in reaction to the whole pecking order of chimps. It's as simple as this: WE ARE ANIMALS. We are controlled by our bodily functions, and further more our reactions are reflections of those hard wired into us, and this leads to the inevitable acts of those in charge, or if one would like to say it gurus. It has been my experience that a great deal of these so called enlightened people are indeed out for themselves, and willing to put you at great personal risk, just for their benefit. I will go as far as to say I could be wrong about this, however, I have seen the hurricane damage left behind from so called enlightened men. It isn't very pretty. The entitlement that their guru had ( which was false to begin with) has been further planted into his followers, and this enlightenment lingers even after his death. The scary part about this situation is the part where people close themselves off, yet swank that they are by far the exemplification of openness. One must remember that even if a window's opaqueness in nonexistent; it does not mean that it is open.

So go out and find you....

I;m an asshole.....

No, You are extremely aggravating.... and often unable to see the point. I will admit that often it is hard to see my point. most people gather it. Sarcastic or other wise. You anger me like no other. take that as you wish.... It's frustration that pisses me off. You publicly down grade me without asking and your point is so incredibly out of the ball park its just beyond revocation that it makes me want to put an end to the situation, and thus the separation.

I want to be clear, you have an immense and honest heart and that means the world to me; however, when you choose to attack is always the wrong and in inappropriate times...

You have been ( and I trust) will always been there when and if I need you, and I thank you for that. Perhaps this is miss communication, and if it is I will take fault, but jesus christ I hate it!

It seems as if you totally miss what it is I stand for, as it may seem complex it isn't.

A: love. but contempt for human beings. I.E they could do so much more if they only allowed themselves to be more. Or I wish I had what they had so I could better my life, and if you choose to waist it I'm going to let you know.

B: If those people wont listen fuck em'


C: Pearl Jam is is my best of the world  and I love them, and at the same time feel I have the right to criticize them if I choose. Shit! I helped to make them rich.

D: No Matter who you put in office they will fuck shit up MINUS RON PAUL!!!!!!!!!!!!

E: I do not think I'm better than any one... Minus the fact that I educate myself in an objective manner. No one does that anymore....


I AGAIN am not always right, but you take the opposite view regardless of the view when you are often objectively totally oblivious to the actual situation.

This situation often reminds me of people whom build boxes for themselves, you just fucking piss me off way to much to be worth you putting yourself on my threads.

Not that I am better than you putting yourself on my threads rather than I wont delete them and they are often missing the point, or so far fucking off I care not to have them. I too am like this in many cases and accept my inadequacy to certain people. It's all fucking apples to oranges, and if you care to argue the fact I call it kilometers and you want to call it miles is fine to me. However, if it is a fine and minute detail such as this that you want to piss and moan about please do it within your own mind. Please, do not bring it to my attention. The feeble shit you often bring to my attention is not needed, for, I have brought it to my own attention, and need not address it. I'm not smarter than you... just more practical.

Anger 3 years ago... still feel the same...

Why is that? That i hate people. Nine times out of five. I can't tell what you are gonna do. Not because I'm psychic, I have amazing powers of observation.

So there are these people I know. A friend and I sat and talked about these people. We surmised as to what these people would be doing in the next few days. Low and fucking behold there they were not a half hour later.

Now I'm really pissed. Why am I pissed same reason Jesi and Sarah pissed me off they did just as I knew they would. No suprizes, It's as if I script what they are doing. Fuck I can tell you what you are doing while you are doing it!!! How is this. I'm guessing it's because I deal with enough shitty people often enough to call you out... Shit you don't like getting called out.

Just fucking once I would like some one to fucking prove me Goddamn wrong... fucking way wrong. About what they are going to do or why they did what they did. Is it confusion on their part or is it I that is the shit that lies so nicely placed on the floor.

Am i the lonely one built there by my own device? Or is it that you are a piece of fucking shit.... Only because I know what you will be doing before you do it? IS IT YOU COULD BE THAT FUCKING STUPID? What is it? Who is it? Is this the same road that I have been walking down again and again. Nothing changing... I need out of this place... You fucking shit heads fucking christ no better than the dirt that I walk on!!!!

At the same time you are better than me. You know God, You have money, You have an education, and I might add that that education you have has done you no more than the toilet paper that I wipe my ass with you cunt.

Of course you probably can't figure out why I'm mad at you... And that would because well you are stupid. And so is your boy friend. Not smart, not smart at all. I want to say it appears I have something you haven't got. Why else would you cling like a terrible sticky shit. Fifty seven wipes and you are still there waiting... waiting for me to give in and let you stick around, and chafe my ass.

I haven't got what you need. I can't share it. I wont share it. It is something you learn and if you haven't found it by 20 you wont find it till you are too old to do a damn thing about it. Sorry, fucktard.

I'm a pretentious asshole and so be it as I see it. I'm not better than you different than you. And that is okay I stand here on my grass which is green, and you're somewhat greener grass and crowded masses can have you yard. I'll keep my free open range. Because you will never be free of your box. Nor will I ever free my self from your boxes shadow.... Forever, will I be locked into a tug of war with the masses with the predictable... the unimaginative...

It's okay buy a fucking jeep.... you'll instantly be the outdoors type. Buy a fucking beetle... Be a fucking hippie... what years is that car... bet they don't even know... but hey I'm a hippie, I have the dress the tie die shirt to go with it... I am punk I have the ramones on my t-shirt... Fuck you do you even know you? Could you pick your self out of the line up? Why... Why... Why ...



Fuck off........

Randomness

I can't spell. So, that means the really big words I know how to sling; remain holstered.

The real trick is to find yourself seeing patterns. Then stop from seeing those patterns, because in all reality there are no patterns but the patterns themselves. Thus creating patterns that are only patterns reflecting the very patterns that make up themselves. Senseless and pointless, yet everything that is.


Since you are a pattern you to are part of this and can make anything a pattern you want. So by stop seeing the patterns you actually start making new ones. The best part of this being you haven't seen anything like it before.


Happiness is what you were created for. Set down the longing. set down the heart ache, grab your happiness satchel, putt out your thumb, and hitch hike the rest of your existence with your happiness only.

Even if god isn't real.... people who believe make it very real.

Every moment is eternity.... (thank you Marry Beth) the only reason you have another is that eternity is forever. There for you must experience another moment of eternity. This is one of those patterns I spoke of.


You are alone, yet totally encompassed by all. For there is no separation of one thing to another. we are all just vibrations. Just think in the sixties they thought the gurus were crazy..... turns out they've been right for oh... about 4,000 years that we know of.


Just in the sake of argument. If the religion that you practice... if you think that it hasn't gotten better in the hate department in over 2000 years. maybe you should research one that didn't start on some tangent of adultery. Look for the one with some guy under a tree thinking.... not some dude screwing two different chicks in the desert, huh?


In turn they both a bare a child... these children give birth to children that still claim they are "gods" children. What they can't see is that they both are.....


Is Nothing scary? Do you think the atoms in your car think that you own them, or are they vibrating as if you do not exist?


Here is one... does your dog think you own it, Or does it think it owns you?


So, really, what do you own?

Even your body... not yours... a vessel maybe, but it will disintegrate. Formed billions of years ago from a super nova. Do you think the calcium in your bones says i belong to Jason Lepp, or does it just say hey I act like calcium?


Oh your mind own that do you? watch a thought. I need to pee. who thought that if you were watching? were did that come from? can you observe the observer?

my points are scattered... thus they be that.... when shall I feel what i feel?

Ash Tray

My ash tray is completely full. I've smoked all night. I feel guilt as I look at it. You know, it being the 21st century, I'm a fucking heathen! A blasphemer to the highest degree: no repose, for, the ash tray is full.
Although, I must say that I feel as if I have done something; If not only to fail.
fail at love.
fail at hope.
to fail, or to fill. To fill the ash try with burning embers?
You decide. I have no choice to you, I am a heathen.
Yet, I am happy. To have failed.
There is no greater place to be here... drunken as it may be.
Drunken: Heathen.
As qualified by whom?
To what assessment?
To conclusion.
And from what, book do you choose to make this judgment?
Who's eyes do you use to see? thy own?
Or mine.
Nay!
It tis thy ego!
Coxed by mother slashed by father.
A meandering painting. Colored by those who tell you to be how you are.
You are who, who you are.
Lost?
Find thy self, and may all those who have ears hear.
Break the mold; of that which you know not.
for yet, ye know not yourself.
And still the ash tray is full of spent embers. Dead to me as all of the world I can see, and understand. For , it has been built upon guilt, and the wall stand strong. The guilt was planted deep in JESUS name "AMEN."
Once a babe, a clean slate we were. Before the the brush stroke fell on a white canvas. The Canvas was you. The stroke? Our world.
We are tainted by the thoughts of those before us. Never given the chance to blow what we inherit. I am the meek and the king a like... Born of a womb.

Where did they all go?

As I sit pondering nothing, but the pondering of nothing, I see that must people don't need to leave the house to discover what others are doing, and I find myself looking over the party invitations over any of the social sites, and thinking to myself that I don't need to go to "Be There" I can just peruse the party pictures afterward, get drunk at home keep my cleanliness, and keep my licenses. I guess in some aspects I don't to go out much anymore. I'm finding it a colossal waste of time. There is no conversation you are going to find yourself in, because the only time people gather these days is to forget there names, and these people aren't interested in a Islamic eschatology. However, I'm not meeting anyone new! See the conundrum one finds themselves in? I think I'm getting old, but I have more in common with those whom are my younger 10 plus years. I have this Peter Pan thing going on. However, the best part is I still have options, and these options are even better than the ones I had ten years ago! It just keeps getting better. One must question is it commitment that scares me. I will admit that it may play a small part in it, however, I'm aware of the fact I enjoy moving about quite regularly, and that I'm probably not going to stop anytime soon. It's just me, man, I love to move about. Consequently living my life in this fashion I have found happiness, and I'll be damned if it isn't what I've been looking for all this time. It might sound cliche' but I must also say it isn't something that is outside of you! This doesn't mean I'm going to quit looking, or trying, it just means that with the times I have to adjust what I'm doing, and or how I'm performing the rituals of the times. This means polluting the internet with my messes and ideas... spreading my ideas!